Drunk
by Jazbez
Summary: Most people believe that people drink to forget their troubles, but that is not necessarily true. Some people drink to remember what they lost and some escape to a memory they wish to hold. Mentions of past character death. Shoujo-ai.


**Disclaimer: I, Jazbez of the Lollipop Guild, do not own any commercial or copyrighted material mentioned or referenced in the story. Instead they are owned by their respective owners.**

(I recommend that you listen to "Drunk" by Ed Sheeran, it's what prompted me to write this; music is my muse)

First thing I notice is the general warmth around me, feeling myself wrapped in soft fabrics that surrounded me while feeling pushed to the side at the same time. Rolling around to the other side, I think I feel a small pile of sheets on the other side of me, still warm as though someone else was there beforehand. Okay then, someone must have slept over. Second thing I notice is the brightness around me, or at least I assumed it was bright since I could sense it a little even with my eyes closed. Growing annoyed at the brightness I couldn't help but let out a small groan as I closed my eyes even tighter. Third thing I notice is that there seemed to be a heavenly smell entering into the room. Focusing on the smell I figured it was probably food, maybe eggs, or maybe bacon; hell, cut fruit?

The fourth thing should have made me wary, or at least confused about it, I thought I heard someone moving around outside of the room. As the sounds got louder I figured I should probably investigate, but the warmth around me was too comfortable for me to want to get up. Rather I tried to hunker down even more and wait for the noise to stop.

That is, before I heard a gentle voice calling to me, _"Come on Cana, get up. Get dressed and eat or else we're going to be late today,"_ that voice, I could never forget it.

Quickly getting up from the bed I looked around, not caring how I must look like a crazy woman, with bedhead and eyes wide that were darting throughout the room looking for her, looking for the girl I loved. That, and I continued looking even though I knew I wouldn't be able to see her.

"Shit," I couldn't help but swear, for a brief moment it all seemed so real to me. The warmth around me, the thought that someone was on the other side of the bed, the brightness that I had wanted to block out. Then there was the overwhelming scents coming from the other room and I knew that I had heard someone moving about. Or, at least I thought I did, it all seemed so real.

That is, until I actually looked around this time. There was no warm and soft cloth around me, rather there was a small pile of thin and fading sheets at the foot of the bed as though I had kicked them off while I slept. I suppose I did do that, that's how the sheets always were when I woke up. Besides, the possibility that anyone else was sleeping in the bed seemed impossible now, the bed was barely big enough for me let alone someone else. I figured there was no need for a bigger bed when I bought it. Looking around for that bright light that kept on annoying me, I realized that such a thing was nowhere in sight. Instead my room was cast in dull gray, barely any light coming into the dark room from the shades, I never cared about opening them ever since I bought the apartment.

As for the sounds and the smells I thought I had sensed before, those seemed more than unlikely without me even having to look. Rather than the appetizing smell of fresh cooked food, all I could smell was the stale scent of alcohol that was throughout the apartment. After years of the smell it became normal to me, but I knew that if anyone entered into the apartment they would be struck by the smell. But that rarely ever happened, barely anyone in the guild knew where I lived. Even those that did stopped visiting over the years, the last one must have been Gray about seven months ago. That meeting either ended in a shouting match or him leaving while looking at me with pity in his eyes. Truthfully, I can't remember what happened, I was too drunk at the time. So that eliminated the possibility that there was someone outside the door.

Figuring that I was already up and awake, I get up from the bed and onto the floor. Still remembering the warmth from earlier I couldn't help but give a small flinch when my feet touch the wooden floor, the coolness that settled during the night being a shock to my body. But still, it was only a small shock so I don't really pay attention to it. Instead, I walk out the door into the body of the apartment, not looking back at the bedroom behind me since I wouldn't be able to see the warm room that I had imagined before.

Not caring about the small living space in front of me, I walk towards the counter that marked where the kitchen was. The only thing I look at as I pass however is the small bookshelf that was sitting against the wall in the darkened room. Despite it's small size, it's the most important object in the entire apartment, as it was the only thing I was able to get from her old apartment after she left. Simple, but still so elegant, being filled with the books that she kept. All books that I admired from a distance but never wanted to open up and read.

And then there was that small stack of papers all together that made every other book seem like a children's book, and it was the only thing that I read and would continue to read. Always ending at the same spot that she left off at before she left me, about how the protagonist entered into the inn to stay the night and rest. It's a shame that it will stay unfinished, and when the guild realized that it was missing from her apartment they searched desperately for it, especially Levy, but I never told them that I had it. It was all that I had left of her and they wanted to take it away from me.

Reaching the small counter and island of the kitchen, with a small assortment of empty bottles and glasses, I spare only a quick glance at the cupboard before moving away from it. The food inside was probably all stale anyway, I only went into it when I needed too or one of the few times when I just ate for the hell of it. Instead, I head straight to the small fridge off to the side of the main counter. Opening it up, I move aside all of the empty bottles inside. The wine, liquor, cheap beers, all of the bottles pushed aside to look for fresh bottles for me to drink, hoping to hear her once again. Realizing they're all empty, I couldn't help but swear once again under my breath, seeing as I would have to leave and restock again.

Realizing this, I decide that I probably should have a small snack before dressing and heading out. Opening up the cupboard, I realize that everything was stale, meaning that I would have to clear out what was salvageable or not later on. All I could do was take a small handful of stale crackers and pretzels to ease any hunger before closing it once again and wandering back into the bedroom.

Not looking back at the unmade bed, remembering my earlier dream or feelings, I wander over to the small dresser on the other side of the room. Inside were clothes I often wore, freshly washed and folded, because despite what some may have thought I do take care of myself, it's what she would have wanted me to do. Taking out the same style of pants that I've been wearing for the past decade and onwards, I slip them on before looking for a shirt rather than the bikini top I used to wear. Finding a loose fitting linen shirt, I put it on slowly to try and ease it over old wounds without irritating them. When the fabric brushes against the burns on my shoulder however, I couldn't help but hiss out in pain. Still putting it on and then my boots, I figured that I should probably talk to Wendy and see if she could try healing it once again, even though it never worked before.

Finally ready, I eased open the front door to my apartment before heading out into the streets. I always felt nervous nowadays when I walked in crowds of people, feeling their mixed looks at me as I passed by them. Often times some looked disgusted as I walked by, knowing me as the drunk woman, never understanding why I drank. Some looked at me with awe when they recognized me as a mage from Fairy Tail, since it's resurgence over the past couple years brought it back into the national spotlight.

And then there were even more that blanched at me when they saw my injuries. Even after the four year amount of time between the battle after the Magical Games, I still hold fresh wounds from the battle. They continued to stare at the extensive burns that mark the left side of my chin, running down the side of my neck to my shoulder; not knowing they continued to drape my arm stopping a little bit before the elbow. Turns out that burns as the result of dragonfire never go away, and each morning when I feel the pain it only serves as a reminder of what happened.

Realizing it now, I'm one of the few members that is still recovering from what had happened form the battle. Some, such as Levy and Gajeel, had a few minor scars from deep scratches from debris, others more drastic losses included lost fingers or bigger scars from stronger wounds, and then some people were like me, often in pain from dragon burns, although most of them were from minor patches maybe a few centimeters in size. I was the worst off out of this group due to the extensivity of the damage, and I was hit partially by a direct attack while the others had grazing wounds from objects already on fire.

And then, there were a small number of deaths from the battle. The others in the guild have seemingly healed and accepted that they had died and made peace, but I haven't been able to fully heal yet and they noticed. They saw me drink myself away, thinking that I was trying to escape what happened, and they were confused by the measures at how I was doing it. But I suppose they had a right to be confused, they never knew the extensivity of the relationship that I had with her. It was her idea, we kept the relationship a secret to the guild, a little game that we had made up to make it even more special, and I went along with it.

But after she left, I couldn't handle the looks that the guild kept on giving me. Looks of questioning, of pity, of disappointment at what I was doing to myself. Eventually I stopped going to the guild every day, instead doing it every other day; then maybe twice a week; now I only go to the hall either on a bi-monthly visit or maybe once a week to either drink or get a job. I stopped talking to them, only watching as I drank, seeing them move on with their lives.

Realizing that I was at the front doors to the hall, I stopped and waited a moment. Then, pushing the doors open, I walked inside to see the old Fairy Tail in front of me. Some of the members looked at me oddly, others didn't notice, and then some were stuck in numerous brawls. It was both heartwarming and heart wrenching to me, to feel like nothing had ever changed before realizing once again that that wasn't the case. I walked forward, trying not to look at any of them to see their reactions. I only stopped and looked once, glaring at the pink haired mage that was talking and laughing with his friends. Besides a sense of loss whenever I entered the guild, whenever I saw him I knew I could never forgive him. He had said that he would always protect her but he failed, and there he was acting as though nothing had happened. But he never noticed my looks, and rarely anyone ever did except for a few who caught quick glances before looking away again.

When I stopped at the bar counter, I simply sat down, not calling a name to avoid calling attention to myself and waited for someone to notice. After a minute someone had come to me, Mira, looking like she hadn't aged a year except for the small scar across the bridge of her nose, came over and leaned in front of me, her normal smile and all as though nothing had ever happened, "Hey Cana, what would you like?"

Used to this routine of her acting like I wasn't a hopeless drunk like everyone else thought, I simply looked up, seeing the way that her eyes widened slightly when she saw the burns, everyone did. Instead, I simply handed her a list of what I needed to restock my fridge, "I need to restock," was all I said, not looking as her eyes widened in shock.

Sputtering, all she could do was wait before she could talk, "B-but Cana, you just restocked a week ago, and that was about a third of the bar you took with you," she finished, hoping it was all a joke even though she knew that it wasn't.

Looking up again before looking back down at her expression, I mumbled, "Wasn't enough, ran out yesterday."

Realizing that she wouldn't be able to talk me out of it, all Mira could do was limply nod her head and put the list aside for later, "So, uh, are you here to take a job request?" she asked, hoping that it was true rather than to see me drink, only to be disappointed by my answer.

Knowing that I had enough saved up to not need a job at the moment, I shook my head, "I'm just here to restock and maybe stay awhile," at that I saw a small hopeful look when I said I was staying awhile, only for it to change when I asked for a few bottles of beer.

With each beer I finished, I could feel myself getting drunk. People often said that people drink to forget but for me that wasn't true, each drink I took brought me closer to her. With each drink I could see her becoming clearer and clearer beside me, while everyone else was fading away from my sight. At a certain point she would begin to smile and look at me, looking as though she hadn't aged a day, and I would look back at her with a smile that no one else had seen in years. At a certain point I could hear her talking to me, and all I could do was smile and listen, not wanting to interrupt her for fear that she might stop. So instead, I just sit there smiling and listening to the memory of the girl I loved, wrapped up in the warmth that being drunk brought me.

**Word Total: 2582**

**Another story influenced by Ed Sheeran, It seems that there's a pattern going on here.**

**Update: Still a little depressed and still bored.**


End file.
